The Silenced Pleaser
My truth lived for a long time as a cry muffled by the need to please, leaving me shrinking in a silent paralysis. This poem is my intimate reckoning with the heavy toll of self-betrayal and the bitterness it breeds. It’s about facing the shadows of my own making, embracing the "dark night of the soul," and ultimately finding radical self-forgiveness that ignites a new, sovereign way of being, finally free to speak and truly belong to myself.
Sandy Clarisse
The cry behind my muffled expression
Is the voice of truth screaming for release,
Yet engulfed, imprisoned in self-suppression.
The yearning for their validation chokes my inner peace.
There, amid confusion and angst,
I hold my tongue,
I hold my tongue
In that silent room!
A quiet choice made in a moment of dread,
To blur the lines while boundaries fled.
Losing my inner space, eroding my soul
As my sacredness kneels to their control.
Waves of guilt and shame invade my being,
Masking as a heaviness in my chest.
My body, seized by a numbness,
In a silent paralysis… a void descending.
My sense of self... effacing... shrinking.
In this hollow space, my spirit withers.
This shrinking feeling, not unknown,
Memories of past moments taking their abode.
My self-worth dethroned,
Traded for love and acceptance, unbeknownst.
My time... squandered, my energy... depleted,
Giving from an empty cup that remains unfilled.
No matter how long I dance the people-pleasing tune,
Feelings of being misused, mistreated, and abused,
Make way for bitterness, self-induced.
Within the ashes of resentment, turmoil begins to stir,
Allowing this inner urge its raw, fierce birth.
As this simmering anger emerges to the surface,
Unleashing suppressed emotions with purpose.
Heart betrayed, deep wounds searing, fury burning, rage about to reign.
This wrath, itself, a furnace, fuelled by years of self-inflicted pain!!
There, in the 'dark' night of my soul,
In a gradual enveloping of stillness,
I see... I hear... I feel... I witness.
Facets of my pain made whole,
Through the light of self-forgiveness.
Compassion stirs; a vision takes hold.
My true self revealed, a diamond, strong and free.
Where light now forms the very darkness I see,
My pain, a facet of the diamond's mould,
Reflecting a truth which, at its core, ignites!
The deepest dark reveals where light resides.
No longer suppressed, no longer do I deny,
The muffled expression behind my cry.
My authentic voice… finally heard.
My boundaries… no longer blurred.
No more am I silenced to keep the peace,
Or beg for scraps of “belonging” to fulfill.
In my SOVEREIGNTY, I now RISE,
In this SACRED RELEASE, I... AM…HOME!