"WHERE IS YOUR SHIELD?" A man I once dated asked me this question as we sat together on a garden bench, both silent, both contemplative, relishing the beauty of the garden around us.
In that moment, as he softly spoke those words, I received them like an intense punch in my gut.
I felt shame. I felt exposed.
I felt completely in the OPEN!
No matter how much turmoil this question stirred within me, my only reply then was... "I don't know."
But the question never left me since that day. It lodged itself deep within the recesses of my soul.
'Where is my shield?'... 'What is this shield?'... 'And why don't I have the same level of shield as everyone else?'... 'Am I a defect without a shield?'
The answers came, not all at once and not easily...but they came, as life itself became the vessel for my inquiry.
The shield... I came to see...is a MASK.
A mask we wear so others don't truly see us...the REAL us... the ones behind our own closed doors. It keeps us internally fractured, catching only glimpses of our true selves. A picture-perfect camouflage we learn to wear to conform to society's expectations.
We all wear different layers of this mask. Some wear it thick and impenetrable. Others wear it thin, permeable, somewhat transparent.
I am one of those!
Not a defect... but a soul that travels through this world with an openness that can't help but pierce this curated facade. An openness that cannot stay fully dormant.
This openness, when left untended, however...becomes fertile ground for scapegoating, rejection, and being taken advantage of.
Word Hippo lists synonyms of 'openness' as: weakness, powerlessness, exposure, vulnerability, defenselessness, helplessness... and the list goes on.
But when I utter the word ...' O-P-E-N-N-E-S-S '... a deep recognition moves through my being. It is like a 'LIGHT' that shines through the distortion.
What if the world's definition has it backwards? What if 'openness ' itself is the shield... not built for the world's applause but quietly forged from the rich soil of our inner world.
Openness, then... is not the absence of a shield ...
It is this shining transparency ...the soul's eternal light... unveiled only when we dare to descend into its depths.